can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
