I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
handjob tips. give me some.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
