yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
