You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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