Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
