Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This is my gift to your gina
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
