I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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