You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
