you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
