what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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