A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
