No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
