fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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