we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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