he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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