He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
