Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
