that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
