and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
