I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
