I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
