I just made out with a guy for $7.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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