You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This is the high leading the old right now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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