I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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