You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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