I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
