went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
