Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We are two peas in an std pod
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
