My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
