So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think I won the penis lottery.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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