Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
