How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
