My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
