i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
