How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
