Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
