It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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