I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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