I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
