So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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