I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
