Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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