Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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