I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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