you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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