Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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