We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
