Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
