So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
