Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
