we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize