i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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