My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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