hotel room ftw
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
