It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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