Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
