I want to walk on stilts...naked
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
