I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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