Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
