I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
