I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
