How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
