I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
