i barfeds in our rink
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
