I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
